I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
