Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just invented taco cereal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
