Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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