wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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