You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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