just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
