I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
