I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
