but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
