I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
