Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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