btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
