Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
