dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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