I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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