On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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