My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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