the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
