i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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