Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
