Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
