6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
