i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
