when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
