beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize