My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We left the knife in your bed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
