i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
