he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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