she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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