When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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