I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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