You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my vag is so smooth its legendary
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
