Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize