Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
