My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
