i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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