My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
