I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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