Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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