puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
