Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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