were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
