I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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