I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
