i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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