I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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