its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
