Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
