jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
