Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
