if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
