11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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