I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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