So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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