Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
