New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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