I puked a lego.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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