what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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