Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize