Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
