you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
