Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
