Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
