so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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