i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
