So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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