I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
