So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
