Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
