girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
