see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
