you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
