I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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