there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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