When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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