I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
