so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize